tomorrow is thursday...

so today has been interesting to say the least. i'm still kind of numb to how i feel about it or even how i should feel about it. i'm borderline ready to cry from stress and fear at any minute...but have been keeping it all in check until it's needed. my "planned" future seems to be crumbling around me. i really shouldn't be surprised because honestly when has anything gone according to MY plan. and i'm grateful for that because in turn it's brought me to a beautiful new city, an exciting new learning experience and a wonderful best friend. but the list maker, time line setter, likes surprises when she knows there coming kinda gal is struggling. jeez...i'm the "there's a method to the madness" advocate but it's hard to buy sometimes.

this is where being a girl SUCKS! kyle's motto seems to be worry when we know there's something to worry about. oh to be so carefree and able to turn off this little brain of mine. the "what if's" have been racing through my mind since 9:30 this morning. the Smith's were a great distraction and my dad (in his guy like fashion) was talking me off the wall...and i'm soo lucky to have them. i really enjoyed my bonding texting/phone call with my pops.

i'm gonna try the kyle and dad approach of not worrying about the future till i need to. i took my day to...for lack of a better word...grieve, but tomorrow i'm gonna just live as i had on thursday. the little girl in me wants to stomp my feet, arms crossed and say "THIS ISN'T FAIR!!" like my dad always says, "when you were born, i never told you life was gonna be fair." UGH! but it looks like i need to just wait till have something to be upset about...or hopefully something to celebrate.

reality just smacked me..."you need to not worry cause you are going to make me worry and i don't want to worry yet"...i hear ya! loud and clear. i've been thinking about how scary this could be for me i forgot that it's ten times scary for him. i'm sorry. mandy said this to me earlier, "god works in mysterious ways (so cliche) but true." and she's right...it IS soo cliche but it IS soo true. i need to stop my worry (it'll give me an ulcer), i need to stop the tears, the fear and anxiety and just live. save my worry for a day that it's needed. but not today. tomorrow is thursday.