i know that it's early to have a mid-life crisis cause i hope to live past 50 but what am i going to have to show for my life at 50. what am i doing? i've ALWAYS had a plan. though it's changed and taking different shapes over the past 10 years but it's been there. my sophomore year of HS my counselor sat me down and said "what do you want to do with your life?" loaded question for a 15 year old, but i had mini panic attack, gathered my thoughts and decided to make a plan. from that point forward i became obsessed with planning and writing out my future, making lists and re make "plans". before i graduated from Fullerton College i had re made my student plan a dozen times a semester.
i have hit a wall. i am going to school but for what? i have no job and even more so no hint at a career. why? do i want a career? do i want to stay home with a family? do i want both? "what do i want to do with my life?" i don't know. horrible question if you ask me. was horrible then and now. for someone who's always had a "plan" this is a very uneasy feeling. i do have to say that you can see how well having a "plan" has worked out for me. so maybe this going with the flow kind of thing might work better but...it's weird. i don't want to look back at my life and wonder where the time went and if i wasted it.
i feel like i'm limbo. waiting for my adult life to start. NEWS FLASH. it started 7 years ago. i'm longer a crazy high school kid or really even a "young adult" i'm in my mid 20's...smack dab right in the middle! 5 years to 30...NO...15 years to 40 WOW. i say all this in confusion and frustration but not to discount my life. i absolutely LOVE my life. i love where i live. i love my d cole. i love my family. i love my friends. so much about where i am now in life is exciting, new and exhilarating.
i think that being so happy in life is part of the reason that i am so eager to know my future. a wise man once said, "I'll tell you this, when that first piece falls into place, you start to wish the rest would come quick"
