...and so the next chapter reads...

the last few days i have been hit with a lot of reflection and unwanted nostalgic feelings...a harsh realty that i have been aching to ignore seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks last night. my life that i stepped out of, threw my arms up and walked away from has moved on around me. which is good, it truly is, i want those i care and cared about to TRULY and UNDOUBTEDLY be happy and wish the best to all of them in their future, but future that i have chosen to not be part of. that's right, i said i CHOSE. when i walked away that meant i risked walking away from it all...and unfortunately that means i truly did lose it all.

i guess life's funny like that, you really can't have the best of both worlds, have your cake and eat it too, whatever silly analogy you want...but i can say with no doubt that the grass IS greener on the other side for me. for all that i have lost i have gained ten fold. i actively made these sacrifices to better MY life, as selfish and cold as that might sound...i was/am selfish. i am also, stubborn, persistent and a bit crazy. i know this and i accept it. i'm learning to accept the consciences of my actions, good and bad. and learning that it's ok to lose, it's ok to feel loss and ok to say this hurts. this hurts.

that being said. i am closing that chapter in the epic story of kimberly ann. it is time for me to start this new chapter free from the strings of the last. the previous chapters are there to set you up for the amazing novel that is left to be told. the last chapters were just silly like stories to add to the beautiful life that i'm embarking on. we will look back on those first few chapters as the set up to the most wonderful love story ever told. a story of life, love, growth and learning. we will think back about those stories as distant and blurred memories and eventually we won't think of them at all.

they moved on. as have i. i welcome you to join in whatever capacity you seem fit in this epic story. as a writer, an observer, a key player or even just a passer by. the door is open, it's up to you how you choose to come in.

...a first date with your best friend...

sitting across the table from the man i love, my confidant, my best friend i felt a rush of butterflies come over me. a sense of wanting to know everything about this man that i have spent the last year learning everything about.

he took me to a fancy little french resturaunt that we plan on becoming regulars of. we both spent the evening dressed up for our wonderful night off that was LONG over due. sitting down we instantly feel in love with the place, it was quiet and the wait staff was soo welcoming, you immeadiatly felt like you belonged there. we sat down and ordered a bottle of some AMAZING red wine and spent the rest of the evening talking, laughing, gazing and just enjoying each other.

engulfed with thoughts of OUR life, OUR love and OUR past we just gushed over each other. sharing what we were thinking when we had met just a mere year ago, the moment we knew we were in love...the time passed and we were falling more and more in love sitting across this table and had slowly realized we had finnished our bottle of wine and still had dessert and drink reservations at charlie palmer that were rapidly approaching. time didn't matter. it was just me and him, my best friend.

we laughed together, shared our thoughts on GOD, discussed better ways to love him and each other and talked about how we can help each other grow. my mentor.

sitting across the table from a man i love, and have given my all to, but feeling like it was the first time we've ever met. so engaged in stories of our past lives before we came together, and the thirst to know him more...i will spend the rest of my life wanting to learn more.